Shortly after Noah was born I experienced Mommy guilt for the first time. I was exhausted from waking up with him every 1.5 hours all night and my gentle pleading for him to fall back asleep became more frustrated. I said "Go to sleep. I can't do this any longer." He sensed the change in my tone and his cries became even louder. I felt so guilty that I had become frustrated with him. After all, I am his Mommy and I should know better than to react that way. Since then, I have had frequent experiences with this guilty feeling. I feel guilty when I am in the shower and he wakes up and has to cry while I rush to get him. I feel guilty when we spend the day out and his naps are interrupted. I feel guilty taking him in public when there are germs everywhere and he might get sick. I feel guilty leaving him to go to work even though I know he is well cared for. You get the idea...
I had to take a step back and ask myself "Am I really that bad of a Mom?" When Mommy guilt hits hard I remind myself of these facts: Noah has two parents that love him and love each other, he has plenty of milk to drink, clothes to wear, dry diapers and all of his needs are met. In addition, he has toys to play with, a comfortable home, and family and friends that spoil him. He looks at David and I as if we hung every star in the sky and in my heart of hearts I know that he feels as thankful for us as we do for him. He is part of our family and he quickly forgives and forgets our blunders long before we do. I am learning to extend grace to myself along the way. While I am not a perfect Mom and I never will be, I am Noah's Mommy and he loves me anyways.
Courtney
